Why Is Self-Love (SO) Important
While writing this post for you, I was wondering where to begin 🤔 Well, let’s start with a question…
Do you desire and dream of a happy life? Duh, who doesn’t 🤷🏻♂️ but why do we need self-love and what does self-love even mean? One of the two greatest commandments goes like this, “love your neighbour as you love yourself”. Stop, read that again… “love your neighbour as you love yourself”. Wait a minute, does that mean no one is capable of loving other people if they do not understand true self-love? That’s right! The lack of a good relationship with yourself acts as a thief of joy.
Self-love is defined as the regard for one’s own happiness. The essence of happiness is absent in the absence of self-love.
Here are 3 reasons why self-love is essential for a happier life.
The Love Gap
When life throws an unexpected challenge at you, you feel weak, helpless and your low self-esteem hits you like a wrecking ball, it doesn’t matter how many people love you or how much they love you, there will always be a gap. If self-love is absent when you find yourself in the gap, your low self-esteem will command negative self-talk to march in like an army that will destroy your emotional balance which will disrupt your healthy emotional patterns. Notice and recognise what is happening to you with a sense of empathy.
Be kinder to yourself. Be compassionate to yourself.
When you love yourself, you know who you really are, what you really want from your life, and how you could achieve something because you regard yourself with high self-esteem. This approach to life makes it possible for positive self-esteem. Now, you don’t find the need for others to make you happy, and you understand that happiness, even in challenging times, can be found within you. This approach to life through self-love renews or reconstructs your mindset on how you see things and becomes your key to happiness and emotional well-being.
The Energy Synergy
Have you noticed, every time you have an argument at home, and then you leave for work, what you see is that your train is late, or you have a flat tyre, your Uber driver cancelled on you or worse, you lose your temper and have another argument with someone else. But why does it happen?
You see, bad things happen when you are “feeling” bad.
Be kinder and compassionate to yourself. This increases the quality of life even though that irksome morning at home — which is a small incident in the grand scheme of your life. Your attitude towards life will determine what energy flows through your body even when unpleasant events unfold around you.
A healthy self-esteem will shift your mindset and alter the energy throughout your body — even in bad times.
The Space Around
Do you find yourself restless and preoccupied when you’re alone?
Maybe you attract distractions… random hypothetical thoughts, the tune of a song you heard over the radio somewhere a long time ago in Bethlehem, you try calling people, making plans to go out, do something that is not even your priority 🙄 Do you see what is underlying these illogical actions?
The lack of self-love activates anxiety which suppresses self-awareness.
What are you avoiding? You are avoiding your thoughts and denying yourself of the love you deserve — a love only you can give yourself. On the contrary, when you are connected to yourself on a deeper level, it becomes your joy and gives you great pleasure to grow in such moments of solitude with space around through self-love.
In my case, having a healthy relationship with myself was a foreign concept to me.
I never knew who I was or what I wanted for my life. I was only seeking validation and approval from others — especially from the people I cared about. I was so hungry for appreciation and positive feedback from my social relationships. For many years, I played the victim, never took ownership for most of my actions, situations or experiences.
Make no mistake, I’ve made several terrible decisions without considering the consequences.
The consequence of making poor choices filled me with anxiety and crushed me with depression. I could not get up from the bed, not even for drinking water. It not only affected me emotionally but also impacted my mental health.
Remember I told you about the energy synergy? Yeah… I had no sense of self-esteem nor a positive outlook. Negative energy was surging through my mind, body and spirit. I was going to my worst state day by day. I spent most of the time on my bed with zero social interactions thinking about what I should do to get out of this.
Studies indicate that higher self-esteem offers protection from mental health conditions.
In my case, the lack thereof explains the adverse health effects of staying anxious and depressed. Soon, I started taking therapies, tried meditation sessions, but nothing worked at that time. My intention is not to state that these processes were ineffective rather than change should begin from within(the shift in your mindset and your self-esteem).
Self-care, self-compassion and positive self-talk can certainly help you move forward from where you are.
Download 5 Printable Easy-To-Remember Self-Love Affirmations From The Coach Circle
Studies also link the lack of healthy self-esteem to making poor choices in life. Adolescent anxiety disorder compels teens to adopt an automatic behaviour pattern that gets them into addictions and other forms of trouble including coping strategies like self-abuse, alcohol or drugs.
The more conscious you are of your true personality, the easier it is to improve your personal outlook. A better personal outlook contributes immensely to a balance in your emotional pattern which leads to a sense of higher self-esteem. Self-compassion will help you form new healthier habits that will lead you away from a plethora of mental health disorders. Thinking pessimistically about various aspects of life and about yourself will hinder your self-esteem development.
I must tell you, poor self-esteem does not contribute to building healthy habits.
Thankfully, somewhere in my mind I always knew that this is not where I belong. I needed to get up and do something for myself. There I was, taking ownership of my life, accepting those challenging times and choosing to get out of that vicious cycle by starting to establish a positive relationship with myself.
I developed new habits that helped me be more conscious and compassionate toward myself. I’m listing them below so you too can benefit by implementing them in your life.
5 habits that help with self-love:
Books:
No one can ever emphasise the importance of reading books. This precious habit has broadened the horizons of my mind and helps me interpret myself and the world around me positively.
Journaling:
I started this the wrong way by describing whatever bad had happened, cribbing about my problems. Then I literally shredded that notebook and started with a new diary and a fresh mindset. Now, I write about what I need to do productively the following day as I move forward one step at a time.
Body & Mind:
How many times a day do you feel good or speak good about your body and your mind? I started appreciating the wonders of my mind and body. When I lie awake on my bed, I speak to my mind like it is my baby and say something like, “You helped me wonderfully today, and now it’s time for you to rest as well, and in a few minutes I would drift into my deep sleep.”
Forgive & Accept:
The bad decisions I took, I continually blamed myself for that somewhere in the back of my mind. But what has happened, is in the past. Here’s what you can do to positively impact your life for the better, remember the lessons learnt and apply them moving forward. How easily do we forgive others? Why not be gracious to yourself and forgive yourself as well? I did! And from there I began to experience transformation.
Be Happy:
Earlier, I chose to do things for other people to please them, to make them happy and even stopped myself from doing what I like. But after all the discoveries & breakthroughs I began celebrating, enjoying life, singing, making music and overflowing with gratitude. These things light me up, brighten my life and make me joyful.
Give yourself some love, caring and compassion. Spend time in your space and don’t be afraid of loneliness. Motivating others to change their mindset is now not only my passion but also my profession as a life coach. I recognised it after almost 30 years of my life. Don’t be afraid of change — especially when it is good for you!
Your Success In Life
